We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
