I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
