I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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