if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
