I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
