Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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