the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
