sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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