How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
