So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
