so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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