I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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