Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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