Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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