I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
