so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
