I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
