she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
