hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am available for nakedness
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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