I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
