he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
