That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize