I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
