Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
