All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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