I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
