Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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