There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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