UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
