i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
