your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
