You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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