the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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