I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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