the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
