I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
