You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
