I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
