party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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