we have officially lost it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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