I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
