drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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