I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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