it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
