guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
