Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
