I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
