Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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