You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize