I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
