yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
