You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
