and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
