had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
