Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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