I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
