you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
