I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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