i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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