Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
