gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
