He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
