I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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