it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
