I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
