can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
MIDGETS
????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
