i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
