forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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