Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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