I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
