I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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